What it feels like

Restricted and lonely. I've tried to do anything that I've come up with and that I would like to do if "I had alot of time on my hands". A day on the couch just listening to music, just sit down and read a book (or continue the ones I've started), cooking and baking for a whole day, tidy up my apartment to a satisfactory level, watch all the movies I still havent watched (no, it did not keep me from seeing Avengers: Endgame, but it did give me a massive headache so it was good we watched it at 11 at night), watch all those series people keep telling me to watch, learn to iron clothes (which I've tried twice. I'm not very good at it), write a blog (its currently 5th of May and its a month since I created the wordpress page). I've tried all of these and cooking was the only thing I could do for longer than 30 minutes except from watching Endgame. I've listened to music for the first time in 2 months and it gave me a stabbing headache after 10 minutes and it wasnt even loud. I tidy around the apartment in 5-10 minute instances before needing a break. Then I go again if I have the energy for it.

It feels lonely because I cant do everything that I used to. I cant see people as much as I used to. Just thinking about going to the store to buy a few things needed makes my head feel like its going to explode any time.

Anxious. From sitting inside and sometimes not leaving the apartment for 3 days. I dont think that's helping my head when trying to go outside for only a short time. What helps, is having someone come along with me. When I go alone I tend to turn around alot to look behind me and I'm very aware of my surroundings before my head gets really bad. I dont turn around as much when I'm not alone. I've talked to my doctor about this and I got referred to a Mental Health Clinic. Hopefully that will help. I'm willing to try anything that I can do to make things easier for myself. I'm currently waiting for them to get back to me. Crossing my fingers I'll be hearing from them soon.

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